How are you still alive?
In spite of everything you do
How do you persevere?
Always you are straddling the line
Between genius and idiocy
Over the years your escapades have provided us with many stories
But there’s one that stands out in my mind
You gave us the greatest employment story ever told
You got a job at Albertsons in San Diego
Even though you were going to school at UC Irvine
Your manager came up to work out your schedule
And then you told her your situation
You worked for exactly two weeks over winter break
And your manager hated you every moment of it
Words cannot describe the glory of this coup