Samuel has killed his first snake. For those that don’t know, Samuel is the name of my car. I gave it that name in honor of one of the greatest actors of our time—Samuel L Jackson. On top of naming it Samuel, I also bestowed on my car the title of “Snake Killer” as a tribute to the greatest movie ever made, Snakes On A Plane, which just so happens to have Samuel L Jackson in the lead role. The main reason for granting my car that title was to keep local snakes from getting any ideas and slithering anywhere nearby me. They would hear the name Samuel the Snake Killer and flee in terror. In truth, Samuel had never killed a single animal larger than an insect up until the day where my car ran over that snake. I was coming around a bend on a road that bordered some open space and I saw what at first I thought to be just a stick on the pavement. Just as I was getting close to it I realized that it wasn’t a stick, but rather a snake crossing the road, however it was too late and I felt the small thud under Samuel’s tires as the snake passed out of this world. After more than a decade of mere scare tactics, Samuel finally vindicated its title and sent a strong message to snakes everywhere to give both Samuel and me a wide berth. If any snakes are reading this, know that Samuel has tasted the blood of your kind, and it might be hungry for more.

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